Here's a picture into my little brain. (Hang on, tight -- you're going for a ride!)
No subbing again today. It's getting to be pretty bad. After working on some laundry, playing on the computer, working on a job cover letter, and watching The View (for my dose of "What is crazy in the world today), I headed off to run some errands.
I've decided that what I need is a new purse. I used to have a backpack purse that I loved to death. I could have kept it for longer, but thinking that it had seen better days, I passed it along to Kathleen and bought a new purse last year that has shoulder straps. I don't like it. At all. I like it so little that when I go anywhere, I transfer my purse items from my work tote (my wallet, my cell phone, my sunglasses and my keys) and just carry it all in my hands rather than put it in my purse.
This morning, I walked out the door doing my usual mental check list. Doing anything mentally rather than working off a physical list is always detrimental to me. I just don't have enough memory space in my brain, I guess. So, I walked out the door, remembering that 1) all the doors were locked, 2) I had mail to put in the mailbox, 3) I had library books to return and 4) my wallet, cell phone, sunglasses and keys were in hand. All set, I shut the door behind me and opened up the garage door. I got my keys and saw, to my dismay, that I had brought Keith's truck keys instead of my van keys. This was a problem. Keith's truck was with Keith at work. Keith's truck keys did not have the HOUSE keys to get back in to get the VAN keys. I was locked out of my house without even my car keys. It was 86 degrees.
I checked all of the doors -- front, garage door and basement door. Sure enough, I had locked up everything nice and tight. I checked where we used to keep a spare house key before Keith changed the locks -- the key could still work for the basement door providing I hadn't locked the upstairs door leading into the house. Nope. No key there either. Coming back up the hill from the basement, I checked Keith's truck keys and saw the extra VAN key attached to it. But did I then say to myself, "Oh, the van key! I can drive off to do my errands and come back home when the kids (who have keys!) get home from school!" Nooooooooo, I said to myself in a rather indirect manner, "Hey, there was an extra van key at the van dashboard. I wonder if it's still there!" I then took myself over to the van (which is always unlocked when it's in the garage) and started looking for that extra key, not even connecting it with the fact that I HAD AN EXTRA KEY attached to the Keith's TRUCK KEY! Good grief!
I searched for about five minutes for that extra key on the dashboard before giving up and figuring I must have taken the extra key into the house earlier -- seeing as it's not the wisest thing in the world to keep an extra car key in a car! I sat in the van for a few more minutes, then got out to search that area where we used to keep the extra HOUSE key -- before I put it back in the house -- seeing as it's not the wisest thing to keep an extra house key in the garage either! It still wasn't there.
It wasn't until AFTER I had searched for the house key a second time that my brain finally crept up on the little fact that I had the extra van key attached to Keith's truck key. Bing! I stood there in the garage looking down at the key chain: Keith's truck key, Kroger card and extra van key. I stood there for another full minute realizing my idiocy! Argh!
If I'm like this at 42, how will I be a few decades from now? (By the way, I literally had to get a piece of paper and do the math to figure out if I was 43 or 42.) Yep. And I'm looking for a job, people. Hire me. My brain doesn't work too well, but I love to play Spades!
Ann Furedi's Consistent Views [Clinton Wilcox]
2 hours ago