I hope that Keri Lynn will take this the right way, but I've already grown accustomed to her being gone. It's not that I don't miss her, because I do miss her. I especially miss our talks. We chat on Facebook, but she as yet does not have a cell phone for easy access. (Hopefully that will change this weekend!) Whenever I drive the kids anywhere, I count heads and realize that the reason kids seem so sparse is because one of them is indeed missing. But, I've slowly grown accustomed to the idea of an adult child. She had been moving in that direction for a couple of years under our roof and then slowly slipped off into her own world. And it's okay. In fact, it's more than okay. It's God's intention for those precious arrows to be aimed out into the world to be witnesses for Him.
We still talk. We still have that special mother/daughter relationship that creaks and groans as mother lets go and daughter strikes out on her own. But I know her heart. Her Daddy knows her heart. And more importantly, God knows her heart. And it is with tremendous joy that we all watch her live out her life as God's precious daughter.
I'm a little sentimental today. Mostly because I'm starting to feel better again in pregnancy. I'm sleeping better, so I have more energy. Every household task is not so incredibly daunting. I'm starting to look outside of my own issues a little bit more. I see the kids coming up the pike after Keri Lynn. The girls especially are hugely influenced by her example -- for which I am very thankful. I find that Kathleen comes to talk to me now about teen things that weigh heavy on the hearts of young women. It is my privilege to hear her. I am reminded of a long-ago Focus on the Family program where Dr. Dobson encouraged parents to take the time to listen to their teen kids. In fact, he advised that a Mom's presence in the home is even more important for the teen years than even for the baby and toddler years. I have taken those words of wisdom and stored them in my heart for these amazing teen years. It is astounding to watch them grow.
In fact, I start to wonder, as we struggle with our finances. Here I am, STILL without a job. And not only do I have no job, I barely have the where-with-all to get up in the morning to get the kids to school. I wonder at the timing of the little one growing inside me, a full NINE years since the last baby was born! And as the months go by, and Keith and I creak and groan in our own personal growth, my heart grows more and more at peace. It is all in the LORD's very capable hands.
Also, I am quite hormonal. I cry at everything. It's not sad depressing crying at all. It's just hormonal crying. I cry at weddings on TV -- The latest being the Duggars' vow renewal. (Here I thought it was going to be so cheesy, but I cried anyway!) I cry Every. Single. Time. a baby is born on TLC's Baby Story. I cry when I see someone else cry. I cry in Bible study and at church, when I sing a worshipful song, when I read Scripture. I cry when I type about things I cry about.
Tomorrow, I'm going to my OB check-up. I don't get excited about the OB visits. I look forward to the Perinatalogist visits much more because there's the ultrasound machine and I get a glimpse of Keegan's progress. The OB just tells me all the things that the Perinatologist told them. It's just going through the motions. Half the time, I'm seeing a midwife or nurse practitioner -- neither of which will be delivering the baby. I've only met two of the doctors since starting prenatal care. I'll probably meet more in that last trimester, which is just around the corner! Time has gone FAST!
By the time I get back, Keri Lynn should be getting home for the weekend and the elementary school kids will be home, too. She has big plans that include El Charro's, Dr. Who DVDs and getting that cell phone. Keith finally switched to a pay-as-you-go phone that is working well. We're hoping that it will work for Keri Lynn, too.
I'm having some computer issues, so hopefully this will get to you all. If you're on Facebook (hint, hint), you'll get this in my notes anyway. And there's always the blog, of which I've been neglecting in a major way for lack of energy.
The Light in Winter
12 hours ago